ponderings of my heart

This weekend we had no plans, and it’s been wonderful. Richard and Melissa went out of town to a missionary conference, so Zach, Lola, and I had campus/home to ourselves. We watched movies, made smoothies, and let the dishes in the sink pile up. Zach wrote lesson plans, I worked on my resume’s cover letter, and we went for a jog on the soccer field to relieve stressss.

Yes, the whole job search thing is truly upon us, and of course I’m not ready for it yet. It’s almost time for us to start doing adult things like apply for jobs, and I’m like, how did it get to be the end of February already? So not ready for this, like I thought I’d be. I’m reluctant to start planning for what’s to come in May because I’ve so embraced our lives here. I’m comfortable and challenged at the same time. I feel good here, I feel at home. And I look forward to what the weeks bring because I am always learning. I am working on trusting that God will soon provide a place for us that is just right. Not necessarily that is just right for us, meaning somewhere that we’d really like to be, but that is right for Him to work in and through us. I suppose He can work in and through us anywhere. There are always people to serve and love, always opportunities to be a light. I just want to be there, in that place where He is. And so I suppose I’ll just keep doing that here until we get there. And in the meantime we’ll fumble our way through job apps and apartment searches…

I won’t lie that the question of ‘What if we stayed here for a bit longer?’ has not crossed my mind on many, many occasions. I have wrestled with this and have asked my husband to wrestle with it, too. It’s a lot of things, but mainly one of them being that the nursing work and people I’ve got to know inside of that work have made such a strong impact on my life. Getting to know Dr. Rivera through Prince of Peace opened up another opportunity to work alongside the staff at Clinica Salvatore in Palin, the clinic I believe I’ve mentioned in an earlier post. What draws me to this place are the workers and their mission. Every single person on team there (there are 10) shares a vision to reach the rural community by meeting basic health needs and sharing Christ’s love at the same time. It is the kind of work place I can see myself being a part of. They have welcomed me like family. The clinic has plans to add on a pediatric dental clinic, a chapel, and a section for births and post-partum. They dream of hiring more nurses, a nurse director, and recruiting teams to come from the States to help with construction. The main doctor talks about starting as early as May, and a huge part of me longs to stay and actively participate in its growth and see lives change.

Victor (dentist) and Auri (dental hygienist). love them!

the general medicine room i spend the most time in with Dr. Rivera

this is the community; i am looking off the clinic's upper level

another view

The chances of Zachary and I staying seem pretty unlikely at this point, but the idea isn’t entirely ruled out. The main issue with staying would be making enough money to still be able to pay our student loans bill every month. Also, what would Zach do? Would he teach? And being close to our families in Nebraska is definitely a strong desire we’ve both always shared. We've had this desire to live in the same city as our siblings for so long, and thinking about not following that dream in order to follow something else feels... painful almost. I have literal dreams about family members. I miss my dad and my mom and my brothers and sisters and Borchardt parents so much that it makes my heart ache. We long to be part of their daily lives. Getting coffee weekly, going to football games, making dinner for them in our new home...

But after awhile, the tugs on my heart here in Guate seem to be all too frequent. Makes it hard to ignore them. So I am feeling a little confused. The most important thing I need to remember in all of this is to be extremely communicative with Zach about what I'm feeling, and him with me. It is so crucial that we be on the same page. That we talk, be practical, and pray together for our future. If both our hearts aren't in the plan, we will not be as effective, no matter where we end up. We are trying not to get too worked up about what's next, and just wait for God to whisper. We will apply for jobs in the States as planned. And above all we want to be obedient.

We know that the end of our time here would not mean the end of trips to Guatemala, and there are always ways to help the causes dear to my heart in Guate without me actually being present there. I do know that the Lord knows all, sees all, and understands all. I give up my dreams to Him and will wait to see what He will do with our lives.

I'm sorry that this reads more like the pages of my journal than a blog post! If you read and would be so inclined to pray, I would give you 5 hugs, a secret handshake, and a Quetzal. Whoever you are, dear reader, may our God bless you and keep you and just love on you so much this week.

Kristen

update: kindergarten

Hello, lovely people!

It’s just another night at the Jefferson/Borchardt casita. Everyone’s tired from their own long day, so we’re just kinda hangin out tonight. Zach and I really enjoy living here with Richard and Melissa. They show love to us on a daily basis in all kinds of ways. Really generous people, fun to laugh with, share meals with, and go places with. We love them!! Both couples we’ve had the privilege of living with since we got married have demonstrated such incredible hospitality, so Zach and I have been learning from the best. We can’t wait to do this for somebody else someday.

A lot happens in a week and a half (my last post). I recently started working with 4 kindergarten girls at Prince of Peace several times a week. After class is over with their teacher at noon, I arrive with art supplies and we just have fun being creative for an hour before lunch. These precious 5-6 year olds come from home situations where they didn’t have the chance to just be little girls; they had to grow up fast, you know? And without affection or even basic needs. So I was offered an opportunity to just play with them; to let them express themselves through art or to play dress up or decorate cookies or paint nails or whatever. It’s super fun. J Their names are Haylin, Rubí, Paola, and Estrella. I don’t have any pictures yet, but here's a quick video I took the other day! Haylin (dancing) and Paola (singing with bubbles) are the ones trying to get the camera's attention:

Becoming more involved with Prince of Peace in this way has opened a huge door for me to get to know the place better and all the girls who live there. I’m learning so many names and faces and personalities, as well as how the Home runs and stuff like that. It is a truly remarkable place. Every time I pull up to the drive, there are beautiful little girls all around to greet me with hugs and kisses. They want to hold my hand and ask me how I’m doing. They want to practice their English or talk about ‘mi esposo,’ (my husbandJ). They beg me to stay for lunch and ask when I’ll be coming back. I can almost not believe how much love they have in their young little hearts, when they’ve been denied love in their pasts. But I know that what I see is a product of God’s grace. Transformation through love is the business of God, and there is a lot of that business going on at Prince of Peace.

Take a minute to check out the website here and see some of these beautiful faces I'm talking about!

http://www.princeofpeacegt.com/

Ok…I only made it this far tonight… will have to write more later when I'm actually awake.

Love, Kristen

medical mission to the coast, and remembering Chloe.

What a great week! I had the privilege of spending 4 days with a team of doctors here on the coast (we were in the Monterrico area at the very bottom) :

The days were long and hot, but we saw many patients and really enjoyed one another’s company. Was a really neat group of both Americans and Guatemalans. Felt so spoiled to have this chance to join them and learn from them, and they let me travel, stay, and eat for no charge!

We had clinic in the laid-back, dirt roads, hammock-hanging, animals-running-around-everywhere, coastal community of Taxisco for 3 days, and did clinic in a church in Palín on the 4^th day. Both communities were  so kind and welcoming to us. Really beautiful people.

A majority of the conditions presented were: diabetes issues, parasites, women’s reproductive health stuff, and babies with fevers. I did get to see an incredibly massive tumor on the upper thigh of a man with AIDS; that was really sad. He needed a hospital, and the nearest one was an hour and a half away! There were also some extremely high blood sugar patients that needed IV infusions, which we were able to set up right there in the building we used.  This community of several thousand only has 1 little pharmacy, that’s it.

I went back and forth between working the pharmacy with these lovely ladies…

…and translating at the Integrated Health station, the place where patients wait for their medication, receive health education, and hear the Gospel presented to them.

I also got to do some nursey stuff with the sweet nurse from the States, Hatsie. We took patients as they came in and did weights, blood glucose checks, and blood pressures, and pregnancy tests every once in awhile.

This is my new friend from Canada, Diane:) Awesome woman who lived in Sevilla, Spain when she was about my age. She was actually visiting Sevilla in September, at the same time we were there!

Where we stayed 2 nights, right on the beach.

We ate all our meals here at a home belonging to one of the families in the community.

 Where the ladies slept. Our room had a BAT that got inside. It flew around at night above our heads. Scary!!!

 At the end of our 2^nd day, I just felt like talking to someone from home, so I dialed up my daddio and we chatted a bit before he told me the news that my sweet dog of 5 years, Chloe, had died the day before. It was so unexpected and the story pretty tragic and I just stood there on the Pacific coast and cried for my puppy. I still can’t believe she’s gone, really. She was mi amiguito, my buddy. We spent so much time together chasing each other around the kitchen and taking walks in the park and snuggling in my bed or on the couch. She was like one of those humanish pets people go on about….kinda annoying really, when people talk so much about their pets like I’m doing now, but truly, when I was sad or upset or nervous, she was always there. When I was happy, she was happy with me. My family’s been through a lot in the past couple years, and she was our “little piece of consistent joy,” as my dear friend Anne put it. It sucks that she’s gone. It really, really, really sucks.

Last September, Zach and I were on the Atlantic coast when we heard about his Grandma Ruth’s death. Once again, hearing about the death of someone I cherish this past week, I was standing on another ocean’s shore. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but maybe it’s God showing me that He loves me. Both times that I’ve grieved for someone lost that I loved in the past 6 months, I’ve been on the edge of His great, big, crashing-waves sea. I feel so devastated at first, but I look upon that ocean and am reminded that He is mighty. That He is the Author of life. He tells the waves what to do, he ends and begins lives, and he steadies my heart.

The rest of the trip was good, except I was just bummed out about my dog. I love my new Guatemalan girlfriends for letting me cry on their shoulder that evening. I felt really silly for crying about my puppy when Guatemala is just full of grungy, homeless, skeleton dogs running around everywhere. People can barely feed their families, let alone feed the dogs that just keep multiplying. They’ve never bothered me so much in the past, but for the rest of the trip every dog I saw just made me so sad!

Am missing my mom this week and really wishing I could be with her. She needs nurse Kristen, as her hand is pretty mangled from the Chloe accident, and her heart broken, too. Wish I could just see everybody. Ryry’s birthday is Monday, so Ryan, if you’re reading this, I LOVE YOU AND YOU’RE ONE OF MY BESTEST FRIENDS. You’re an awesome man with a spirit for adventure and a passion for music and love for others. Enjoy your first beer ever in your whole entire life ;) 

peace,

Kristen